A motherly rant and how to cope

Can I just take a moment and rant a little bit about how stressful it is to raise 2 little women. It is my job as their mom to show them what it is to be a strong, confident, fun, loving and Godly woman. To be an example to them every day of Jesus’ love. So stressful! Then you add in the craziness of the world around us, and the pressure put on us to be the picture of perfection. We have to be beautiful, funny, skinny, driven, and stay at home, but then work because of women’s Lib. The list can go on and on and on about all the things a woman should be. I know it’s the same for men I just can’t give you a first hand about how they deal with that. Sorry gentlemen.

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Created for togetherness: The struggle to relate.

We all want someone who understands us. Someone we can turn to that understands our pain. My example is just in my parenting, but it’s in everything we experince. From our insecurities to our anger issues, our addictions, our temptations in everyday life. No one wants to feel alone Continue reading

On The Real

 I’m a mom…

A nanny…

A wife…

A daughter of God…

And an utter disaster!

This Is real talk in the middle of this crazy, fun, chaotic, messed up world.

As a mom I try really hard to raise my tiny humans to function in this life without me hovering 24/7.  Tiny humans that only by the grace of God will love Him more than I could imagine! Let’s face it, I fail, I fall short on a daily basis. I am after all only human. Some of my day’s end with me feeling utterly useless asking God why on his green Earth, he would “bless” me with girls. Two, strong willed tiny women who frankly sometimes just get on my nerves. How did he ever believe that I could possibly handle these two crazies. Then I hear that voice of reassurance that tells me ” If I didn’t have faith in you to handle it, I wouldn’t have given them to you.” Apparently God has faith in me to keep them alive, and actually teach them something, so I wake up the next morning to a new day. I mean if anyone is going to have faith that we can handle what we have and where we are, I am so happy that it’s God!

As a nanny, it’s almost the same thing but not nearly as much pressure rests on my shoulders. It’s not my job to make sure they’re functioning adults.  It is however my job to keep them alive, fed, and hopefully help them learn something during the day. After all sitting around with 4 children 5 and under is impossible. Anyone who thinks staying home or being a nanny is easy, has lost their ever loving mind! Thankfully my oldest starts PM kindergarten in a week, can I get an AMEN! However that still leave me with 3 toddlers. It is a blessing that I have a flexible job that allows me to help pay the bills, and make sure my girls are taken care of. By me, because who can afford the elusive thing called childcare for two children. I’m reminded, by myself an others, that God has placed me here. I am in my “calling” right now, for this season these are my people. Sometimes, ok real talk, often, I crave some adult interaction. No sane person can last spending 40+ hours a week with people who argue ove who had the Olaf bean bag first. This is where God has placed me, and these are the people that he has called me to share about who he is. Again there’s that faith in me, not sure we see the same person in the mirror.  Challenge accepted!

As a wife I obviously don’t have to teach him to adult in life. He’s got that down pretty well. For me it’s being a helper, being supportive even when I don’t see things the way he does.  At this season in our lives I feel like he is my biggest help. We have developed a groove in cleaning (mostly him…gasp) cooking and all things around the house. Now we are working on quieting the chaos that is our life, to hear God. Easier said than done. 

As a daughter of God I have been learning more and more everyday. Some days I feel like my brain can’t take any more! Right now God is hammering in my brain to be content in where I am in life . My “calling” as we like to call it is being tinkered with right now. I know the dream God has for me and my family, but right now in the season he has placed me, I can’t do what I feel like I should be. I have been placing my own expectations on what God has given m, when it just isn’t “now.”  

I recently heard the saying ” if it isn’t true for the poor single Christian mother in Haiti, then it isn’t true” Jen Hatmaker, For the Love.  This saying has rocked my world! God has each of us with, and in contact with the people we need to touch. It may not look the way I want it to, or play out how I expected it, but it’s my calling none the less.  I can only do what I can do right now. Right now that looks like 4 children and their parents, and I’m ok with that. Now, it has taken me a tad to get here. Thankfully God has faith in me to handle where he has placed me, and what he has given me, because some days that pesky woman in my head tries to tell Him otherwise! 

I don’t want to smell like vinegar!

I feel the need to begin this post by saying that I truly love my children. My girls are cute, adorable, fun, and growing up way too quickly!

Now that that has been said, my children tend to drive me up the wall.  I feel like God has blessed me with a healthy portion of patience and love. Yet still there are days that I want to absolutely rip my hair out because of my girls.  For example, Giana is in this phase, what I am praying is a very short phase, where she has this attitude towards me.  She yells, stomps, grunts and is overall a little demon child.  I have wondered, many times,  what happened to my cute adorable child in those moments because she frightens me. I have been at my wits end trying to figure out the best way to discipline this because what I’ve been doing has not been working.

Then a little while back, a friend of mine told me about using apple cider vinegar. Let me tell you, she is more afraid of the vinegar than any other discipline! It blows my mind. Granted I still have a little terror to contend with. Some nights I go to bed feeling like I just went 5 rounds with a pro MMA fighter.

To give you an idea of how often we have to employ this technique, my house smells! All I smell most of the time is apple cider vinegar. I swear it is likely seeping out the poors in the walls! I feel like she isn’t learning anything that I am trying to get through to her.

My goal in life as a mother is to make sure my children can go out into the world and function like an adult. I don’t want them to leave my house and then wonder why life isn’t being handed to them on a silver platter. Yes many people think I am too tough on my children and then others think that I am not tough enough. Everybody has their own opinion on how I should be raising my children, and I often seek advice when I need it or feel like I am at the end of my rope. I still try my darndest no matter what, even on the days that i go to bed feeling like I’ve somehow failed them.

Most kids tend to throw a fit when they don’t get what they want.  Giana is not any different. She throws around this terrible attitude, and nasty looks and expects to get what she wants.  It makes me think about how God must feel about me. I very often do the same thing over and over and expect to get a different result. I no linger do it while flailing around on the kitchen floor mind you!  That would be a very sad day and an all time low. Behold, just like it is with Giana, there are consequences to my actions.  When I get in a tough spot I try hard to fix it, my way. Time and time again my way seems to fall short. I heard a sermon this last sunday that mentioned that very thing.  We start by trying things our way, then we go to others and try to see how they would handle it, then we get to the point where we become ok with the situation we are in. Lastly we turn to God.

With our children, the last place they want to go is to us for help. I have told Giana and Aspen so many different times that giving respect is going to get them so much more than the attitude, and yet they still continue to go about it their own way. yes I am aware, my children are young, they have yet to learn. I have noticed however that our fits simply tend to morph from throwing our body weight around to more imaginative fits.

I don’t want to be the person that never learns from my mistakes.  Even though I know God sits up there shaking his head at me quiet often wondering what the heck I was thinking, AGAIN! I know that he still loves me despite the conequences that I face, mainly because of my own actions. I also don’t want to be the person who wallows in the consequences of my own actions.

I do however wish to be the type of person who knows how much God gives mercy.  I feel with all my heart that God gives us children to teach us many lessons that we would never learn otherwise. I can personally attest to the fact that they will push every button you didnt even know you had! In every moment that I am trying to control my temper with my children, I need to have a sticky note stuck on my forhead that reminds me of how much God has patience with me. Because I do not want to smell like apple cider vinegar!